I'm trapped by amnesia.  Everything is great by external appearances.  I have a house and my own vehicle, a beautiful wife and family.  I put on my headphones as music help stop shut out the distraction of the outside world.  Yet every drumbeat seems to jostle my concentration.  It's as if I have something I need to get done but as soon as I sit down to do it I can't remember what I sat down to do.  Then I become hungry.  Immediately after that I become sleepy.  This sad pattern has continued for weeks, months and years.

I know I have a mission because the anxiousness sucks on my consciousness continually like a leech preventing the needed blood flow from reaching my cerebral cortex.  If I could relieve the anxiety and fear that grips me I know I could remember what my mission is.  I have a vague memory (it's more of a feeling) of working on a project to further desires and supply the needs of humanity.  And I know I could provide the help if I could just remember what it was that I'm supposed to do.

So I'm attempting to jog my memory by writing and studying.  I'm diving into every book on ancient history and philosophy and self help I can find.  Music seems to help.  I'm attempting to separate myself from the rest of humanity for at least a few minutes a day.  Because they are all stuck with the same problem as me and their group mentality abhors subversive behavior.  Studying those who have come before feels like a good start and provides clues but this type of investigation moves slowly and is far from enough though.  Additionally I need to keep my body fit and explore methods of preserving my health and extending my life span.  When I do recover from this past life amnesia I'll have some serious work to do.

The other scary thought would be to die without ever getting back on track.  Once you figure out your mission and can get back to the work you were originally programed to do then one can die in peace, knowing the work was forwarded, knowing lives were saved and that this life was not wasted. There is some comfort in the fact that these words are being written and published maybe myself or someone from my team will uncover them later, their relevance only to someone on a similar search in a more hopeful and not so distant future. The other possibility is that these communications get wiped clean.  In which case I'd better work faster.